When something feels off: let your body be the guide

If you want to heal from trauma, one of the most powerful places to begin is with your current relationships. Start by simply noticing how you feel—emotionally and physically—around the people in your life. Your body often knows the truth before your mind can catch up.

Many adult trauma survivors find themselves stuck in painful relationship patterns without realizing it. These aren’t always the obvious signs of harm like yelling or hitting. More often, it’s subtle dynamics: abandoning yourself during conversations, taking on others’ problems as your own, feeling guilt or shame when you can’t meet someone’s needs, or constantly giving without receiving in return.

So how do you know if this is happening to you?

Maybe you go silent. Maybe you feel invisible or overly responsible. Maybe people talk at you for 30 minutes or more, and you just listen, drained. Maybe your body feels heavy, numb, or restless after spending time with certain people. These are signs something may be off in the relationship.

What can you do with this information?

Start by noticing how your body responds when you’re with someone. You may think, “They’re my best friend,” or, “That’s just how she is,” but your body might feel anxious, depleted, or on edge. Pay attention to the disconnect between your thoughts and your nervous system. Tune into your own experience, rather than tuning out or prioritizing someone else’s emotions.

If it feels safe, try naming how you feel to the person. A true friend or loved one will want to understand. But if they gaslight, deflect, blame, or make you feel worse, that’s information too. The way someone responds to your vulnerability tells you a lot about the health of that relationship.

As you begin to reflect, here are a few areas to explore:

Your romantic partner:

Do you feel emotionally and physically safe with them? Do they respect you and listen? Are you able to work through conflict together? Do you feel seen, desired, and supported?

Your family of origin:

Are you able to share your truth with them? Do they respect your boundaries? Can you talk about what’s hard—not just what’s going well? Do you feel emotionally close, or do you leave interactions feeling small or unseen?

Your children:

Is your relationship with your child grounded in mutual respect? Are you maintaining healthy boundaries, or are you leaning on them for emotional support meant for peers or partners? Do you feel like the parent in the dynamic, or are they running the show?

Your friendships:

Are you able to share openly, or do you mainly listen and support without being supported? Can you show up with your whole self—including your struggles? Do your friends hold space for you the way you do for them?

Relationships can be one of the most healing—or most draining—parts of our lives. When they are mutual, respectful, and emotionally safe, they can become a powerful part of trauma recovery. 

Healing your relationship patterns doesn’t mean cutting everyone off, but rather getting clear on what your body is telling you and learning to respond with truth, boundaries, and care—for yourself first.