Do you ever feel a wave of shame after speaking up? Are you afraid you’ll be punished for expressing your needs or making a mistake? Do you still hear words like “difficult,” “bad,” “stupid,” or “brat” echo in your mind—long after childhood? Maybe you avoid conflict, people-please to keep the peace, or physically shrink in the presence of your boss or angry people.

These may be the lasting effects of abusive relationships. Many survivors internalize the messages of their past, and long after the abuse ends, they continue to turn that judgment inward. I call this the inner bully.