Male Survivors of Sexual Trauma
We don’t talk enough about the sexual abuse of boys and men. According to a 2025 article, an estimated 6.2%–18.8% of boys and at least 3.8% of men report experiencing sexual trauma in adulthood. But the real numbers are likely much higher—because many men never tell.
In fact, a 2014 study found that it often takes men 15 to 20 years to disclose their abuse. That’s two decades of silence—of carrying pain, confusion, shame, and self-blame alone. Imagine the toll that takes on someone’s spirit and sense of self.
Why is it so hard for men to speak up?
Much of it comes down to how we define masculinity. Cultural expectations that men should always be strong, stoic, in control, and emotionally guarded make it harder for them to acknowledge—let alone talk about—something that feels vulnerable or powerless. Harmful myths like “only gay men get raped” or “real men can’t be victims” create additional layers of shame.
When the perpetrator is a woman—or even more unthinkably, a mother—the stigma is often even greater. As a society, we struggle to hold space for the idea that women, too, can cause harm. But they can. And they do.
The emotional aftermath for male survivors is not unlike what we see in female survivors: shame, self-doubt, difficulty trusting, trouble regulating emotions, sexual challenges, and struggles with depression and anxiety. But in my clinical experience, many male survivors feel more isolated—often telling only a partner or no one at all. Their access to social support tends to be more limited, and the silence can deepen their suffering.
So what can we do?
We can start by listening differently. By educating ourselves—mental health providers, medical professionals, law enforcement, and loved ones—that sexual trauma doesn’t discriminate by gender. We can create more spaces where men feel safe, welcomed, and believed.
Disclosure is a brave and ongoing process. When a man opens up about his trauma—to a partner, a friend, a therapist—it deserves to be met with warmth, compassion, and care. If more male survivors felt that kind of safety, maybe they wouldn’t have to wait 15 or 20 years to share their truth.
